hello readers today I will be showing you my show don't tell story(show don't tell means you use agictives instead of saying "I'm happy") . I worked hard and love what iv done. please tel me what you think. I used NO felling words.
Do you like competition? Do you like ballet?. It was a cold night and I was at “The ballet of the school show” (and other types this is a competition).the location was ###### theater it was tal with heaps of people flyers and the building was maid of red brick. I was waiting backstage, impatient, my heart beating and the people all so loud. I rushed to be ready. My stylest told me to calm down and we memorized the good things to forget the bad things. My stylist always makes me feel better. Soon it was show time I went to the stage. The song was magnificent. The crowd was engrossed to the show and I was dancing in my black tites checerd dress and brown hair. It was the show of the senchury. My heart beated fast as I danced gracefully in my dress. I had a big smile and my eyes were wide like frisbys. I was on my tippy toes tall as I can be wil there was cheering from the huge crowd. I saw my family and friends I was the star of the show! At the end I couldn't stop puffing and when I was backstage I was running and shouting. When it was time for awards the man said “3rd place is the hairstylist ballet with a 100 dollar voucher to the warehouse and bronze medal” an.d they came to the stage to collect there things and gave a bow. Then the man spoke again “2nd place is an animal party with a 200 dollars voucher to the warehouse and silver medall” they got their things and gave a bow. And the man started to say again “with the $300 voucher and gold metall for first place” suddenly the drumroll started lights were going everywhere and the man shouted”THE BALLET OF THE SCHOOL SHOW!” I ran to the front, got my things and gave the prodest bow. When I got home from the theater we threw the biggest party. There was my favorite music, my friends, my team, my family and some of my fans. I grew up to be a famous ballerina and had heaps of fans.
What an awesome story Laura. You had such great use of adjectives that I got pictures in my mind of what you were trying to say. I particularly liked 'eyes like frisbees'. I could really imaginejust how wide eyed you were
ReplyDeleteNan
hi nany thank you for the comment and my teacher feels the same way. I got the idea of "eyes like Frisbee" from what my teacher roght.
DeleteLaura
Hi Laura, thanks for sharing your story on your blog. It was wonderful to see the story and picture you have created. I really like that your picture was so different from everyone else. You have been very thoughtful with your choice.Your story is a really good example of show, don't tell too. You have made careful choices about the words you have used such as magnificat, graceful and engrossed. I also love how you have used sentences like "eyes were wide like Frisbees" because this gives me a picture in my head. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeletethanks Mrs Mclachlan I love what you have said. you know i learnt from the best. it is nice to show my storys.
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